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2009年5月12日星期二

life in unstable: hometown journey

i was asked to visit my elder sisters' home before i arrived my hometown. so, after stayed at hometown village, zhudajiu, for more than a week, i visited Tianzhen, the town i haunted when i studied in junior middle school some mile away, and my past eldest sister lived near the town when then worker class in China society in rural area still domineer and enviable. all my sisters married in the town but i most missing my eldest sister, who once the proud of my old family, and commit suicide by jumping into Changjiang river in a dawn after quarreled with her husband when her 2 children still in their childhood. that's the bravest deed i ever known. so many year i still got courage from her, knowing that one thing anyone can pick, death.

in the week in the town, i slept in my youngest elder sister's house, while went to work online in my second elder sister's house, where evils frequently challenged me. the house owner, my elder sister's husband, a family name ruan (the same syllabus in Chinese can mean soft), just like my baby's grandma, is really a demon, the 2 nephews from the start peeking my life and attempted to mimic me. God knows how they frustrated in the process of stealth and envy.

this week, i almost did what i in view that's important. my sleep was not smooth, for weak sound, like crack or steps around, can woke me up. my elder sisters, as well as their husbands, all in rotation of working time table, cater to the full orders in the cement factory they work for. most of time i was alone slept in the whole house, on second floor. in my hometown village, even more sounds in nights, for the mountains and forest so close, and there r cattle. so i usually listening till mid night exhaust took me into sleep. quite some of them really holy message, God sees my life sounder here in coming months.

its the first morning i returned hometown village from Tianzhen town. last night i listen a lot, and dreamed a lot. i dreamed of God and his way of evolution, from one to 2, to 4, etc. i also felt the perished environment, including the ill will from my mother, my sister-in-law or my eldest brother. i dreamed surveillance in college,  and among the students of God message, including that from my blogs. i also know my beloved suffering surveillance exerted by the China authority nowadays.